As I have mentioned, I will turn 50 later this year. Considering my family history, the day will mark approximately the midpoint in my journey here. I have begun to think about some of the things people have tried to “teach” me through the years and wonder if I should have listened.
Most of my life, people have told me I should be quieter. A lady, they said, always speaks quietly and does not call attention to herself. I am beginning to believe that I have never been a lady after all. I can act like one, but I am not one at heart. At least not the kind some people would like me to be. I don’t want to spend energy trying to “modulate” my voice. It seems like a lot of effort for something that is not very useful. I think the problem was not the volume of my voice. I think it was the fact that I was venting emotion. I was usually upset about something when I was reminded that I was supposed to be acting like a lady.
I have never heard a man reminded that gentlemen are not loud. Angry men yell at will. Is there something dangerous about women’s anger? I am not sure. I have certainly never actually attacked anyone while angry. I have made my point, sometimes loudly, but no one has ever been hurt. This may require some more thought while I decide whether or not I want to be a lady in this way.
TSG
In the Ensuing Panic 
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